The Panel Discussion

As class began yesterday I thought I might not gain too much from the discussion. I don’t really have questions about my experience. And I don’t think I will have too much culture shock. Since I am from that same country. But I figured listening  wouldn’t hurt.

When the translator issues came up, I couldn’t relate. Or the living arrangement issues.  But then the issue of being homesick, and missing the simple things. For this part I sat up in my seat.

It’s already happening. I am already beginning to feel the stress of my trip and I am not even gone yet. Especially tonight, I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the fact that I have heard my friends talk about all of the fun things they will be doing this summer. The places they are going to live, and the parties they are going to go to. While listening, I’ve been thinking of how different my summer is going to be. It’s been a little difficult trying to explain to my friends what it is that I will be doing. Most of them still think its some sort of vacation. They really don’t know all of the planning that has gone into this.

That’s the other thing that worries me, all of the planning… what if things don’t go as planned? I have really taken to heart what we have been told, to keep and make REALISTIC expectations. Plan to succeed, but be prepared to fail and get up. I want to prepare myself emotionally for this. That’s the other thing that came up a lot. The emotional distress of the trip.

I don’t think I realize how different things are going to be… especially when I stay in the poor communities. I remember how things are, but I haven’t lived that way in a while. I will be back into the world of latrines, bucket showers, chickens running while all over the place, and waking up at 4:30 in the morning no matter what. I am underestimating and honestly having a cocky attitude about how prepared I am for my trip. I want to change my attitude. This is not going to help me. the less prepared I feel the more I will eventually prepare. I am going to prepare for success! So far my connection with the NGO is going great. I am writing a letter to the head of the organization to finalize things, and make them formal. I’m nervous but I know I am qualified, I have done many other projects similar to this one.

Still, got to recognize that I don’t know everything… I really don’t. Confidence is  a mixture and a balance of humility and pride/confidence.  Sometimes I find I, but most times I am looking for it.t